Therapy for Grief & Loss

All of us have and will experience loss in life. Whether it is a smaller loss, like the end of a trip we loved, or a life upending loss like the death of a loved one, loss and grief are universal parts of the human experience. While this can feel scary and sad to consider, I find comfort in knowing that because we all experience loss, we are never truly alone in our grief.

While the intensity and at times anguish of grief can tempt us to run away or avoid the emotions it brings up for fear of getting completely overwhelmed, it is important to remember that the amount and intensity of grief is often directly proportional to the amount of love we feel for the person, pet, or even version of ourselves that we have lost. Grief is an expression of love.

Because life is full of change, grief is with us more often than we realize. Grief can be an advisor as it can show us what we care most about and offers an opportunity to acknowledge the things, people, and experiences we have loved. This in no way negates the pain of grief, but offers us a way to get clear on what we really care about and how we want to live moving forward.

Addressing grief and loss is a normal and important part of mental health therapy. Grief therapists are able to connect with you both as human beings and as professionals trained and skilled in the ability to stay present with the full spectrum of emotions that come with grief. If you’ve experienced a loss, you may have noticed that it can be hard for the people around you to stay present with your grief. Sometimes friends or family jump in to try to make us feel better or cheer up. This is usually well intentioned, but can feel invalidating and isolating. Grief therapists can stay present with the fullness of grief while also providing specific support and interventions if you become too overwhelmed or need help grounding yourself.

Alternatively, you may have noticed yourself containing or minimizing your expression of grief for fear of overwhelming or burdening someone else. I’ve had clients tell me it feels helpful to meet with someone who they aren’t worried about being overwhelmed, so they can fully let out how they feel.

Therapy can also help you find a path forward in the face of loss. Our goal is never to forget or minimize what or who you have lost, but rather to create space in your life for the grief, while also seeking purpose and connection in your life as it is now. Sometimes this looks like finding ways to incorporate activities that remind you of the best parts of that person or experience. Sometimes it looks like creating rituals or ceremonies to acknowledge the loss and set intentions for the future. Sometimes it looks like reassessing values and making changes you may have been afraid to in the past. Importantly, a therapist can help you go at your pace as there is no timeline for grief nor is there a “right way” to grieve.

Whether you have experienced a recent loss or are navigating the impact of more existential grief, therapy can be a powerful tool for connection, growth, and support. While your experiences of loss are unique, you do not have to be alone in the emotions. If you or a loved one could use support with grief, please reach out.

One of my favorites is the idea of the ball in the box. Imagine a box of any size. This box represents the entirety of your life and all the emotions it contains. When we experience a major loss, a ball appears inside of the box and starts moving around, bumping into the sides of the box. Each time the ball hits the side of the box, we feel the intense pain of our grief. In the immediate aftermath of this loss, the ball hits often and grief can feel overwhelming and all consuming.

As time passes, and the experiences of our lives increase, the box gets a little bigger. Because of this, the ball hits the edge of the box a little less frequently over time. Each time it hits it is still painful. I like this metaphor because it speaks to both the intensity of recent loss and also acknowledges that even after significant time has passed, we may be hit by a wave of grief. It is not necessarily that the pain of grief itself diminishes, but as our lives continue, we may notice longer breaks between those “hits” of the ball against the side of the box.